ilona the pest

insecurity + narcissism = awesome!

Sunday, April 29, 2007


waxing is the most painful experience i've ever had. yet, being a glutton for punishment -- a.k.a. a modern, vain, self-hating woman -- i continue to subject myself to that torture regularly.

anyone have any suggestions for painkillers or other methods to numb the sensation? my lady (at avalon day spa) is awesome but i can tell she thinks i am mostly imagining the pain. she has me do these very helpful breathing exercises, but they are just not cutting it.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


last night i tried to cast a vote for American Idol, for the first time, because they were doing this charity fundraising thing based on how many votes they got. but i was rebuffed. i called about 30 times, but never got through. lame. they need more phones. or new technology.

my favorites are blake and jordin sparks. but i decided to support blake, 'cause i feel like he's more of an underdog.

oh well!

in other tv news, i've been watching this new show on showtime, The Tudors, which has taken the place of The L Word in so many ways. they are both poorly written, barely disguised porn. lesbian porn vs. historical, bodice-ripping porn. but i like lesbians and i like history, so i am forced to suffer through the racy parts. alas.

Saturday, April 21, 2007


i went to the bronx zoo for the first time today. i think that was my first time ever going to the bronx, period. one more borough - check!

my favorite thing was the baby gorillas in the congo gorilla forest. they were so cute. just like hairy little people. little human babies would bang their hands on the glass, and the baby gorilla would bang right back.

i was so happy that it was finally warm & sunny today. winter has been the hugest drag.

Friday, April 20, 2007

obama in '08

i just decided to stop pussyfooting around and officially throw my support behind barack obama. i know hardly anything about him, but i just get this warm & fuzzy feeling from him, you know? next on the to-do list: read his books so i don't sound like a total idiot when people ask me why i'm for him.

but it's about more than "issues" or "facts". :) it's about optimism, and charisma, and warmth, and symbolism. those are important, too! and those are what will influence most voters, anyway. why do you think george w. bush won (twice)? not because of his stance on any particular issues. mr. and mrs. america just thought he seemed like a swell guy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

still at work!

it's 10:45 p.m. and i'm still here.

i am so hardcore.

my life will be a lot better after this brief gets filed tonight.

* * *

update thursday morning: my life IS a lot better now. ahhhh.

Monday, April 16, 2007

dear love bandit,

you have some weird ideas about me. i have no idea how you acquired them. but i am not married to my career. i love babies and kittens and intellectual validation and changing the world. and cable tv. it's 2007, baby. i can have it all!

p.s. i think i might start a band and call it "love bandit". i just really enjoy saying that name. also i might start addressing every post here to him. like that kids' book Dear Mr. Henshaw. i've always liked that conceit.

p.p.s. question (not just for the l.b., but for anyone): do you think two water turtles who live in a fish tank can survive in a small apartment with a two-year-old cat? please advise.

Friday, April 13, 2007

love bandit

well, you have a cute name, i admit.

what do you have to offer a girl like me? respond in the comments section, por favor.

Monday, April 09, 2007

new glasses!

today work was pretty hectic again. i'm actually starting to have responsibilities, which make things a lot more lively. so i was a little less horrendously depressed. (but still mostly horrendously depressed.)

then after work i got to go pick up my new glasses! i've been waiting over a week for these babies, and i am really into them, so that was extremely exciting. they're from a fancy glasses store in soho, selima optique.

after watching two episodes of America's Next Top Model on tivo tonight, i took some quite inspired pictures of my uber-chic new clear plastic frames:

check out that hot clear plastic! is she even wearing glasses at all? work it, girl!

congratulations. you are still in the running towards becoming america's next top model.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

lethargic sunday

all weekend i've been putting off doing work and doing my taxes. i am a lazy bastard, especially when in the darkest pits of depression the likes of which i have never before experienced.

i just watched Cast Away, the three-hour tom hanks monologue, on TNT, on tivo. i recorded it sometime yesterday knowing that i would definitely want to watch it today instead of working. i'm so prescient.

on friday (day off from work for good friday) i decided to take up smoking, and smoked almost an entire pack of camel lights. a personal record! but i don't think it's sticking. i've been trying half-heartedly for 12 years or so, but i just can't seem to get addicted. oh well.

Thursday, April 05, 2007


i have a three-day weekend so i'm up late watching tv.

now i'm watching the middle of Waiting to Exhale on "We". (have you ever heard of that channel? i haven't.)

my personal life is still a depressing roller coaster. but at least work has gotten super-stressful too, so that's a pretty effective distraction.