ilona the pest

insecurity + narcissism = awesome!

Monday, April 16, 2007

dear love bandit,

you have some weird ideas about me. i have no idea how you acquired them. but i am not married to my career. i love babies and kittens and intellectual validation and changing the world. and cable tv. it's 2007, baby. i can have it all!

p.s. i think i might start a band and call it "love bandit". i just really enjoy saying that name. also i might start addressing every post here to him. like that kids' book Dear Mr. Henshaw. i've always liked that conceit.

p.p.s. question (not just for the l.b., but for anyone): do you think two water turtles who live in a fish tank can survive in a small apartment with a two-year-old cat? please advise.


  • At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This is such bad news for Beta Manlet, TWO topics on my rival, Love Bandit :(

    I've lost! :( Worst day of my life.


    Beta Manlet

    PS: I would make sure you put a cover on the tank you keep the turtles in, and that it cannot be removed easily by the cat, or at least keep them quite elevated with that cover on. I think there might be an issue about bacteria too, they could get each other sick even if they didn't try to eat each other.

  • At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hours later, Beta Manlet is still in a serious depression over Ilona's crush on Love Bandit.


    Beta Manlet

  • At 1:25 PM, Blogger ilona said…

    um, i do NOT have a crush on l.b. are you joking?

    but if it's a name contest, b.m., he beats you hands down. sorry.

  • At 2:14 PM, Blogger wt said…

    with so many blog stalkers one of them must be your soulmate.

  • At 3:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Are you sure Ilona? You started TWO topics about Love Bandit. I think you have a crush on him. :(

    OH GOD! :(


    Beta Manlet

    PS: I'm honest with my name. Maybe he's not a love bandit, but wants you to think he's one. I don't misrepresent myself.

  • At 4:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello sweetie.

    I am sorry to hear that I have been misinformed regarding your career and potential family life. I apologize. I did not mean to offend you.

    Let me ask you, then: what are you looking for? Please describe your ideal man, whether you would be willing to re-locate for job and family, and how many kids you would like to have. In addition, in what religion would you raise your kids?

    As for the turtles and the cat, I would think that there wouldn't be a problem if you kept the turtle aquarium closed with a tamper-proof cover, along with putting the turtle aquarium on a sturdy stand.

    (See, you must want children. Expanding your pet menagerie is a clear sign of the pangs of unfulfilled motherhood!)

    Sincerely, as always,

    The Love Bandit

  • At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…



    BETA MANLET aka le petit homme

  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger The Weed Man said…

    hi can we start a band

    i am playing shows alone with my ipod now, I think it would be more fun with more people

    I love Bandit is a good name we can write songs about turtles living together

  • At 4:17 PM, Blogger The Weed Man said… is far too complicated for my caveman brain, I don't like having to WAIT, but maybe I will start another game for YOU

    also you should put more pictures on your blog, i don't really read the words on blogs anymore

  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello again sweetie.

    No response to my question? That is, what are you looking for in a man?

    I am dying to know. May be can still....connect.

    Hugs & kisses,

    The Love Bandit

  • At 7:15 PM, Blogger t-dawg said…

    turtles + cats sounds dangerous. my cat once ate my frog, who was housed in a very secure-seeming little tank.

  • At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi sweetie.

    When are we going to see those naughty pics of you in high heels and lingerie?

    Hugs & Kisses,

    The Love Bandit


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