firsts

in the past couple days i've had several new experiences:
1) first visit to long island
2) first trip on the long island rail road
3) first funeral

(aren't i a little old to never have attended a funeral before? yes. just lucky, i guess.)

this was a funeral for the father of someone i work with. i wasn't sure whether to go, but i called my own dad for etiquette advice, and he said i should definitely go. (and to send a sympathy card. which i haven't done yet. reminder: send a sympathy card.) i was like, "it won't be awkward or seem presumptuous or anything?" and he was like, "no. he'll appreciate it."

so i went, along with a few other people from work. i had a feeling i would probably cry, even though i'd never met the deceased, and i was right.

i cry occasionally, but it's such an awkward thing if it happens around other people. the possibility of being seen crying at work, or around anyone except super-close friends or family members (and often even around them), is incredibly embarassing and i would usually do anything to avoid it.

on the other hand, i believe strongly that feelings are healthy, including sad feelings, and it's healthy - more than that, it's important, necessary to express them. it's yet another sign of how unhealthy our culture is that we have so few socially acceptable opportunities to express them around other people.

so my revelation of today is that funerals are a rare & beautiful institution - a communal expression of grief and love and hope and recommitment to fully appreciating our own lives and the lives of everyone around us. i mean, how often do you have the chance to hug the people you work with? hardly ever, i bet (and i bet you think you don't even want to), but the world would be a better place if we did more often.