mixed signals
there's this guy that i used to date for like 2 seconds, and we just got back in touch. he's been complaining to me about his girl problems, and i must confess i took a certain morbid delight in hearing that he is apparently now experiencing some of the same frustration & confusion that i experienced when we were hanging out before. i thought it was just an obnoxious guy thing, but apparently it's genderless.
i was too busy gloating at the truly beautiful symmetry of the universe to give him proper advice, so i want to step up now. as i have learned from my rather brief dating career, if someone you like is sending you mixed signals, they either:
- 1. don't like you but are afraid of hurting your feelings by making it clear
- 2. aren't sure if they like you and are stringing you along til they figure it out
- 3. don't like you but are stringing you along til something better comes along
or, the fantasy that we all cling to - 4. they actually do like you but they're just weird, or very busy, or some other complicated explanation.
all you need to understand is, it's not number 4.
i was too busy gloating at the truly beautiful symmetry of the universe to give him proper advice, so i want to step up now. as i have learned from my rather brief dating career, if someone you like is sending you mixed signals, they either:
- 1. don't like you but are afraid of hurting your feelings by making it clear
- 2. aren't sure if they like you and are stringing you along til they figure it out
- 3. don't like you but are stringing you along til something better comes along
or, the fantasy that we all cling to - 4. they actually do like you but they're just weird, or very busy, or some other complicated explanation.
all you need to understand is, it's not number 4.
posted by ilona @ 5:24 AM
4 Comments:
At 8:58 AM,
Anonymous said…
Advice To Young Men From An Old Man
http://lukeford.net/blog/?p=257
20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.
21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women.
23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.
At 9:55 AM,
wt said…
2 is probably the second most rare there. I think most people know fairly quickly whether there's chemistry. If someone is stringing you along, they're looking for something better.
At 5:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ilona, this kind of thing happens to almost everyone, more often than not.
I am sure you'll have a much better b/f than him, since you are young, very pretty and smart.
Just my .2c
(if he is who I think then HE surely didnt deserve you).
At 10:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
I like to call a variation on #4 the "Karmic STD" which means basically, "hey, I have this situation that's going to keep me from getting close to you right now, because I don't want to get you involved in something that might hurt you, but give me like 2 months and it will be all cleared up."
A fairly common manifestation is like "As much as I want to go out with you tonight, ny ex isn't over me and I don't want to spoil our hooking up by him / her calling at 5 AM threatening suicide."
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